We talked about nursing, life being pregnant and life lived with someone pregnant, and a slew of other things. But at one point in the conversation I said something and to my surprise this soon to be dad looked at me with awe and said "I've never heard that before."
So here are a few honest moments for soon to be dads, that you may have never heard before. [Disclaimer, I love both my sons and wife more then life itself, this is just a little honesty of life.]
In no particular order... a few things:
- You'll learn when in an argument with a pregnant women there is nothing worth being "right" if it means telling her she's "wrong."
- You'll find yourself faking "sleep" just to see if she moves first when you hear crying in the middle of the night.
- You'll use your baby as an excuse to say no to invites you simply didn't want to go to.
- You'll form a love hate relationships with cartoons
- You'll look forward to telling poop stories, in a weird gross yet proud sort of way.
- You'll be oddly proud of the distance your little guy pees in the middle of changing his diaper
- You'll find yourself loving the meals your friends made for you yet wishing they just didn't stay while you ate them.
- You'll pay for baby photos just to have someone else care for your baby for 2 hours.
- You'll use the "we have a new born" excuse for things that your newborn had no effect on.
- You'll rediscover an old love for fruit gummies and gold fish.
But there are somethings I wish someone had given me a heads up on before being a dad.
-Like you might feel like a failure for the first 18 months of your kid's life. I sure did, Zi wanted his Mom for everything, she was one stop shopping for him; Food, comfort, sleep, all I did was change his diaper. I felt like my relationship was more out of obligation then connection. I felt he didn't even know I existed until 18 months.
- You'll find yourself faking "sleep" just to see if she moves first when you hear crying in the middle of the night.
- You'll use your baby as an excuse to say no to invites you simply didn't want to go to.
- You'll form a love hate relationships with cartoons
- You'll look forward to telling poop stories, in a weird gross yet proud sort of way.
- You'll be oddly proud of the distance your little guy pees in the middle of changing his diaper
- You'll find yourself loving the meals your friends made for you yet wishing they just didn't stay while you ate them.
- You'll pay for baby photos just to have someone else care for your baby for 2 hours.
- You'll use the "we have a new born" excuse for things that your newborn had no effect on.
- You'll rediscover an old love for fruit gummies and gold fish.
But there are somethings I wish someone had given me a heads up on before being a dad.
-Like you might feel like a failure for the first 18 months of your kid's life. I sure did, Zi wanted his Mom for everything, she was one stop shopping for him; Food, comfort, sleep, all I did was change his diaper. I felt like my relationship was more out of obligation then connection. I felt he didn't even know I existed until 18 months.
-And this is related but the "instant bond" of love everyone talks about having with their kid isn't there for everyone, so don't feel bad about that. I loved both my sons before they were born, I was committed to them, but I didn't feel like Cupid shot me in the heart with either of them, there was excitement at both of their births, like a really big Christmas gift finally being open, but then you realize this gift is not really for you for another 18 months, and in fact kind of just makes life difficult. For me over time the super gushy love has come, but it wasn't there at first.
- The first week is seriously hell, just prepare for it. I don't know a better way to say it, in all the "we just had a baby" excitement the "I haven't slept for more then 3 hours in a row for the last 7 days" exhaustion changes your perspective on everything. If there was a refund option we would have considered using it during the first week.
- Company is a blessing and a curse. The blessing is they bring you food, the curse is when they stay and visit. All you're thinking about is I could be sleeping right now, and at this moment I like sleep more then I like you.
- You start to feel like your wife is cheating on you. My wife's affection, touch, and cuddle quota went 100% to this new little life and I was left feeling shafted, jealous and angry! When the reality that you didn't have sex the last trimester, meets the even harsher reality of "I haven't slept for more then then 3 hours in a row and you're wanting what" mood killer, some pretty crazy things can enter your head.
- Also, around this point you start to come to grasp with who you are on little to no sleep, sex, and solitude and you realize what a truly horrible person you are. So in the midst of "enjoying your new bundle of joy" you're also growing to hate yourself.
- Also, around this point you start to come to grasp with who you are on little to no sleep, sex, and solitude and you realize what a truly horrible person you are. So in the midst of "enjoying your new bundle of joy" you're also growing to hate yourself.
- And while this is all happening everything you read informs you that literally anything and everything could potentially harm, mane, or kill your baby, so add being paranoid to your list of emotions.
All that to say, starting a family is really fun, but having a family can be pretty tough. Even though I have thought each of those thoughts I can honestly say that even in the midst of the crazy my family makes my life better, me better, and they are making my marriage better.
As I finish this post, Indie, our 2 month old, is strapped to my chest. He just finished screaming and is now peacefully hanging out looking at me. Zi, our 2 year old, has finally stopped fighting his naps with screams and exhausted wondering tantrums around the house and has crashed on the couch snoring. These two boys have totally changed my existence, my marriage, my life, but I'm so thankful they did. Love them and the craziness that comes after them.
Happy Sunday,
Matt
All that to say, starting a family is really fun, but having a family can be pretty tough. Even though I have thought each of those thoughts I can honestly say that even in the midst of the crazy my family makes my life better, me better, and they are making my marriage better.
As I finish this post, Indie, our 2 month old, is strapped to my chest. He just finished screaming and is now peacefully hanging out looking at me. Zi, our 2 year old, has finally stopped fighting his naps with screams and exhausted wondering tantrums around the house and has crashed on the couch snoring. These two boys have totally changed my existence, my marriage, my life, but I'm so thankful they did. Love them and the craziness that comes after them.
Happy Sunday,
Matt
as a dad of 5, all I can say is well said!
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