This past week our LIFE group (our small group from church) started a new book together called “Deadly Viper Character assassins.” It focuses around one’s character and the assassins that can cause one’s character to crumble and fail. I simply LOVE THIS BOOK. The assassin we read about this past week was the assassin of “Character Creep.” This is where nothing major or huge or earth shattering happens to destroy your character but where small tiny unassuming choices slowly erode and weaken ones character to its breaking point. Like termites in a house or a million paper cuts, it’s nothing major but a million minor things that bring you down.
As our group shared and discussed my soul was haunted by the state of exhaustion, frustration, and negativity that has slowly built. As I reflected on the past few months I realized that my character had not fallen, I had no moral issues to address, but that I had slowly allowed myself to move from the place of vision for my life and schedule to the place of victim.
I have averaged an additional 15+ hours a week for the past 2 months at work getting ready for our fall launch, extra “fun and life giving” responsibilities, and just wanting to be excellent at what I do. All motives where good, my wife was supportive and understanding, I can honestly justify the hours, but it was not right. These hours were minor negative baby steps in my character, my role as a husband, as a father, and as a leader in my own life.
Some how I had allowed myself to move from the place of Vision in my schedule, of starting my day knowing what I must be about, what I must accomplish, what work must be done, what is most important, to a place of victim. Being victim to the million little request that can come your way. The tiny request from work, friends, family, neighbors, the million little things that in and of themselves are good and holy but cumulative are negative and eroding to one’s most important values.
After last week’s LIFE group Pearl and I spent most of Saturday morning sitting together. We asked, wrested with, and answered.
What are the top relationships in our lives?
What needs to have top priority in our life?
What do we feel we must be about right now?
We then took these reflections and committed to stop being victims of our calendar and to be visionaries with it.
Starting with a blank weekly calendar we started blocking out when the most important must occur. - When will I do what only I can do, and play with Zion as his daddy? - When will our family sit down and be together? - Will meal sharing be apart of our family? - When will Pearl have her free time to do whatever she wants? When will I? - How do we want to take care of ourselves? - Our sleep? - Exercise? - Mediations and time with Jesus? - House chores? - Connection with friends? - Play? - Rest? - When must I start work and when must I finish?
Starting with what must be done the calendar filled.
Of knowing that if you want to have dinner with us or us with you, it’ll be pushed to a Monday night, cause if it creeps to a Tuesday or Thursday you’re becoming more important then my son, my wife, my marriage, my sanity.
Of knowing that when 4 o’clock hits on Monday I need to leave the office, even if I feel more must be done, cause if I don’t I’m saying that email is more important then showing my son and wife I love and like them.
But also of knowing that when the alarm rings, that snooze, that flippin snooze button must not be hit because if I do I’m saying sleep is more important then my sanity, my family, my life, my personal disciplines.
Knowing what is most important, what the vision of life is, has made this week, this week that still has it’s huge work load, stresses and demands not just bearable, but enjoyable.
Again, I’m only 3 days in, but at least I’m three days closer to where I know I want to be going.
I’m three days of exercise, of walking to the library with Pearl and Zi, of eating dinner as a family, of keeping work hours where they belong, of life being what we believe life should be.
I really do hope we’re able to stay at this, and that you’re able stay with it, cause life is just to short and just too important to simply finish, we must finish well.
Less victims, more vision.
