my week

So I'm sitting at my desk, Flogging Molly ringing in my ears, a cup of reheated coffee next to me and two boys peacefully sleeping.

IT'S SUNDAY!  A day of rest, of peace, of sitting down and vegging in front of the TV, or napping, or watching football, or just finding that thing that refills your soul enough to want to start over on Monday.

So, I'm sitting here asking, "what happened this week? What did I learn? It feels like I blinked and a week passed!"

So to my online diary I turned... Facebook, twitter, instagram.
Here's some of the notes, in no particular order.

Monday: 

Came home to Zi wanting to wrestle. There is simply nothing like wrestling with a 2 year old, the giggles, flips, accidental kicks to places that shouldn't be kicked, tickles and exhausted hugs. These moments are some of the sweetest in life. As I think about the last week I'm reminded that to this little boy I am the ultimate model of manhood, fatherhood, being a husband, and who God is. It's wild to think that in the last 7 days I have intentionally or unintentionally taught my son through my words, actions and non-verbels what each of these mean.  Does he know today better then he did last Sunday what love, grace, peace, commitment, selflessness, and sacrifice is? Does he know a little better today then last week how to care, listen, value, prioritize? It's humbling to think that these lessons rest primarily on me.

Tuesday: 

Tuesday's are meeting days. They start at 9:30 and go back to back until 4:30. We meet over lunch, we meet while in the bathroom (no joke), we meet while walking to the next meeting. Tuesdays are the one day in the week that all the LCBC staff are together, the only day all the student min team is together. So any and all face-to-face conversations that need to happen, have to happen that day, or your driving. This week I was reminded that people can change. I hate to admit it but I've held a grudge. I've put people in a box and said that is how they will always be and treated them with resentment and distrust, yes I may work at a church but we're still people and we're people who fight passionately about what we believe in and sometimes that means stepping on each others toes and hurting feelings. I've realized that I have unfairly boxed one person into a corner. But last Tuesday was a huge reminder for me that God is not done with us. That he changes people, he still is changing me, and that if I'll join him instead of fighting him he really can restore broken relationships. I'm humbled and excited by what God is doing not only in the LCBC church and community but also what he's doing among those of us on staff. Thankful for the amazing folks I work with, and for how God never gives up on us.

Wednesday: 

Reminded that I love to teach. There's something about crafting words and statements that move emotions and actions. I love when a statement inspires and when something sacred happens and human words are married to a sacred romance and God stirs hearts and minds to take the next step with him. This year will be the 10th year that I've been teaching in a church setting. Many of those years were filled with insecurity and doubt. Wondering if I was worth listening to, if I could really hack it as a teacher, if I was too big of a personal screw up to do this. I'm reminded that God loves to use us in his plans, not the perfect us but the willing us. That I never had to be perfect but willing, that I didn't have to be famous, just faithful.

Thursday: 

Reminded to celebrate the small things in life. Fall is a time of year when life seems to restart for me. I've always loved the fall, the leaves, the cooler air, the anticipation of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Fall causes my heart to warm up. But when I think about it, there's nothing "major" about the fall, it's not "just" the leaves, or "just" the cooler air, or "just" the fact we're a month closer to the holiday's, it's all the small things that make a big change in my mood. The small things like Fall coffee and pulling out cooler clothes. It's silly how small things can make such big differences. I'm guilty of looking for only the big things in life and not stopping to notice the million small things that make the days better.

Friday:

Friday is the day for me to watch both of the boys while Pearl works. I love my boys, but watching both of them by myself all day, usually just freaks me out and scares me to death. What if they poop? What if they start screaming? What if they tag team like a bunch of deadly ninja babies and cry and scream and poop and puke at the same time? It's like crossing the beams in Ghostbusters, I just don't know if I can handle it! So, like a wise dad, the first couple of weeks I just tried to sedate us with TV and food and pray we could all sleep till Momma returned to then help us venture out of the confines of the living room and our pajamas. This doesn't make me exactly father of the year, but it was success in my eyes for us to survive 8 hours with out momma and still have two living, breathing, relatively unscarred boys. But this week a friend asked if I wanted to join him and his son at the local fair to explore the animals, tractors and food. That meant actually leaving the house! Getting dressed! Remembering to pack diapers! This was a big deal, it was scary, but I took a chance, made plans, and successfully managed to get the boys dressed, feed, out the door, through the fair, back to the car, and tucked into their naps (in their carseat). I'm reminded that I (we) often let fear, or feeling overwhelmed, or under skilled to keep us from actually try. Babies have always scared me, they're not "natural" to me, but I'm learning to make plans and invite them along and not be stuck to fear worn ruts.

Saturday:

It started all smiles. A simple run. I had a running buddy, we were gonna do this little "jog" together. It ended like this.

Alone, every muscle in my body cramping, cold flashes causing me to think I would pass out at any step, seriously wondering if I would ever walk again with out a searing pain in my hip.

Funny thing is, I'd do it again.

Saturday I was able to check something off my bucket list, running a half marathon. I've always wanted to say I ran one, now I can, now I can get lots of those 13.1 stickers and plaster them all over my car, my house, my office, and also my thunder thighs as bandaids where 3rd degree friction burns have occurred.

Saturday taught me a few things, like:
- protect your nipples at all cost.
- have younger folks around you to keep you energized
- yet also, older folks to keep you from hurting the younger ones when they make you furious at their "boundless" energy and you want to punch them, but also to remind you how to run the best race possible.
- to find ways to celebrate the small victories, like race day selfies at each mile.
- that we actually need folks we can be honest with along the way, like texting family and saying your final goodbyes, and having them tell you to suck it up and keep going.
- it's a waste of energy to worry about who's beating you or who you're beating. And just because an 87 year old woman with an amputated leg is out sprinting you doesn't mean anything, just run your race.
- It really doesn't matter who you're beating, finishing your race is all that we're really asked to do.

Since I woke up from my "maybe if I sleep I won't throw up nap" yesterday I've been thinking about a guy name Paul who wrote to a young leader named Timothy in the Bible. Paul said,

"I have fought a good fight, I have finished the race, I have keep the faith." (2 Tim. 4:7)

Yesterday wasn't the prettiest of races. Old ladies out ran me, Amish men in their boots passed me, dad's pushing strollers with quadruplets hanging off rolled by like a breeze.

For most of my life I felt like I had to look better then those around me, I had to be "better" whether that meant being smarter, faster, more attractive or creative, but yesterday reminded me that when we look at life as a whole we're all just a bunch of nasty, sweaty, smelly runners with raw nipples and flaming thunder thighs that are each pushing towards the finish line and hoping to be able to stay I fought the good fight and I finished the race, I didn't give up and I kept the faith.

So as you rest today, I hope you're reminded that: 
- you matter in profound ways to your family
- people can change
- you've got something unique to bring to this world so don't chicken out to insecurities 
- celebrate the small things in life
- don't let your fears paralyze you
- and keep running your race and don't worry about those around you (cause their nipples hurt too!)

Happy Sunday, and I think you're amazing.
Matt