It's in the back section of our basement under a exposed bulb, wires, air ducts and 107 years of house and stone. It sets the mood of a 50's integration room filled with testosterone and dirt.
When work causes my brain to overload or binary code erodes the textile nature of flesh and blood, sweat and dirt, I escape here.
I hit stuff.
I fix stuff.
I make stuff.
I break stuff.
I listen to old CD's on my original CD player from 4th grade.
For me sawdust and oil are smells that warm my bones, restore belief in my work and remind me I'm not as weak as my emotions or fears may be whispering, or on rough days, shouting at me.
I escape to this work bench to refine, re-find, and refuel me.
Tools and sweet, work and dirt were what I grew up around. It was what my dad did around the house, it's what my grandfathers did, its part of my story, it's part of how a man was defined for me.
As a father to two son's I've been asking the question for my boys of how do I, today, define a man.
What does a man really:
- look-alike
- do
- dress
- talk
- love
- lead
- learn
- etc.
Knowing that I will be the primary definition of what a man is for my two boys, I've been soul searching about what I need to be modeling, doing, saying.
Yet I also know that past stereotypes no longer work.
Stereotypes are easy. They remove the weight of thought and reflection. they're like tidal waves that you allow yourself to get sweep away with and enjoy the ride, yet sadly they also are waves that can drown you and destroy those near you.
When I look at culture today, what it means to be a man is no longer clearly defined with gender roles and stereotypes. There's no one set "cultural" standard of manhood in media and the positive push for "acceptance" has caused us to "accept" any action done by a male to be considered manly. The cultural spectrum of "manhood" appears to be all inclusive.
Roles are changing, jobs are changing, expectations are changing.
For me growing up sawdust and oil were a part of what defined a man.
But I also was shown that one's skill with a hammer and nail does not fully define a man.
Or knowing how to swing an axe or weld a chainsaw may be a great days work, but it's not a full definition to live by.
Today the tidal wave of past stereotypes have past, and as I now watch the current wave that's rising I see great potential yet also great harm, and I simply refuse to aimlessly throw my sons in and wait to see what happens.
I want to know what I believe it means to be a man today, in our culture, in our time? To know what my boys must know, hold belief in and behave like.
Growing up my father could not have been more different then my grandfathers on the outside, one's blue collar, one was white collar. One was highly educated, one dropped out in the 3rd grade. One worked mainly with their hands, the other with their head.
But what was clearly the same between them, was that to be a man, especially the man of the house, meant you:
- Worked hard at home even when you had already worked hard in your work week.
- You made stuff right even if you didn't break it
- You tried, even if you were scared and didn't fully know how
- You didn't make excuses, you acted
The world my boys will grow up in will be wildly different then the mountain tops of my grandfathers adventures or the sixties of my dad's explorations, or the blissfulness of my Appalachian foothills but either way I hope my boys discover and believe that to be a man, in the Parks' family, means taking responsibility.
Responsibility for your faith, yourself, your loved ones, and those that God may bring in your path. I don't fully know what responsibility looks like and acts like today, much less tomorrow but for now, I'm going to keep sharing my tools, asking questions, and helping my boys figure it out.
Hope your weekend was wonderful.
Matt
Wow, brilliantly said! Love you
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