Zion turned one this past Monday. It's amazing what a year can do.
Our lives delightfully were totally turned upside down but were simultaneously turned better. We heard lots of voices preparing us for the "change to come" when Zion arrived on the scene. These voices caused us to grow nervous about our life being different in a bad way, but I think what was trying to be said is that Life pre-child is good, but life with child is just gooder!
Gooder, I always laughed at that word, I think because it reminds me of booger and the fact that it's "not really a word-word, like Ain't"
With Zi turning one it seems like his exploring and experimenting side has turned full steam ahead. He's like a little scientist testing, reacting, retesting, reacting differently with everything. Every step, every object, every person. He's discovered dog bowls, watering pots, drawers, dogs, pianos, steps, cell phones, books, fuzz, dog hair (opps, I mean our house is spotless, yeah spotless, umm no dog hair here, yeah right!). Everywhere he turns, he turns to discover something new.
This morning as I sat on the coach, reading, reflecting, sipping coffee, Zi was cruising around the living room exploring. At one point I looked up and he was exploring one of his puzzles. His intensity, focus, and inquisitive nature held my attention. I found myself putting my books and coffee down and internally cheering for him, wanting him to find how the latches fit together, and how the pieces moved. I found myself deeply enjoying his enjoyment, his experiencing of life.
And then it hit.
I am Zion's Dad, and my dad, not only Papa Parks Dad, but my God Dad, looks at me the same way. God looks at me, and you, and simply smiles when we enjoy this creation he gave us, the talents he put in our lives, the challenges near us. God loves watching me learn how to throw a frisbee, love Pearl, tell a good story, he smiles at watching me be fully me, which is actually being fully what he designed me to be.
Over the past year my view of God's "don'ts" have been changing. The idea of Sin, or laws, or commandments, or whatever you want to call the things that God tells us not to do has changed. I once saw the angry rule keeper God with his clipboard just watching and waiting for me to get enough "x's" next to my name to really give me a little hell on earth, and if I did this enough, long enough, then I'd get Hell Hell, like capital "H" Hell, and not just the annoying hell of finding a parking spot at wal-mart on Saturday morning.
What's changed in my view is not whether sin matters to God, cause I believe it still does, but in how it matters to God. I'm understanding the grace of Jesus to now be so pervasive and consuming that God no longer looks at me as a "sinner" or screw up but simply as his son, fully declared Holy, set a part because of following Jesus, not perfect and sin is now me simply hurting myself, my relationships, the world around me and the potential that God has given me in it.
I'm viewing sin not as a checklist of wrath accumulation but as steps away from what's best and closer to things, ways of life, ways of thinking that only hurt me and others. To quote Paul from the Bible, each choice that's agains't what God says is best is a step that takes me towards the death of the things I love, death of relationships, death of trust, death of freedoms, etc.
Now, as Zion's dad I will do everything I can to help him have the best life possible, part of that will be using any and every form of support, discipline, encouragement necessary to help him realize the danger in what he's doing. Catch that, I want to correct the behavior due to the danger not because I want to keep him from fun or enjoyment of life. I want him to fully enjoy life, but he can't enjoy life if his hands are burned off because he touched the stove or he screams every time he wants something.
So, all this came rushing in this morning while watching Zi flip latches and solve wooden puzzles.
Just as I love him, God loves us, but only infinitely more.
Just as I love seeing him become fully him and enjoying life, God loves seeing us, becoming fully us and enjoying the world he gave us.
Just as I want to help Zi have the best life, I'll have to do everything I can to help him make good choices, but I'll never stop loving him no matter what he chooses, so it is with God and us.
Watching Zi makes me love him more, and helps me embrace the love God has for me just a little bit more, it's like God knew having a child would help us enjoy being his child just a little bit more.
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